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Coming out to my sister.

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It's only a matter of time. But when? Is there a right time for these things? Should I be strategic, perhaps?

A little background first: My sister is very open to the idea of homosexuality. But only if it's fiction. To her, people choose to be homosexuals because if not then why would it be forbidden in Islam? I don't think she'd be uncomfortable having a gay friend, but only if that person didn't share our faith and/or culture. I don't blame her. It's the society we've grown up in. I know that she needs to get used to the idea of homosexuals existing in the Muslim community, that's it's not wrong and that in the end we're all humans and just the same.

Thing is, I need her. I talk to her about everything, except this. And there are times when I feel like she is the best person to talk about a certain issue but then I can't because I'm scared of outing myself to her. I'm absolutely terrified, actually, but I really want her to know. What to do? .

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Advice

    What I think is that you should, yes, be strategic and take this slow. But also, it sounds like you're very close to her and that you obviously need her to know this. So I don't think it's a matter of educating her or anything. I don't feel it's necessary when it's your sister (from how you described her), I feel like she'll be there for you and understand your situation.

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      Sometimes I wish she would find out accidentally, which would be really bad I know. I am being very gradual with this, but on the other hand I just want her to know. I can only hope she is understanding.

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  • 17-24_m_b_h3_f1
    Experience

    I wasn't quite lucky when it came to my sister.

    She found out around midnight when I had just graduated from 12th grade. I was writing an extensively long email to a friend. It had a few things about being queer and all. I left the computer to get something, didn't expect anyone to be around. It was my sister. She read it.

    You know the misunderstanding they have about it being a phase and all.

    A few weeks later, after the crisis happened, she asked if the phase had passed. I said yes.

    • 12-16_m_b_h3_f4
      Experience

      Do you ever think of coming out to her? I find myself in a similar spot. I'm not sure if it's worth losing her over this.

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    • 17-24_m_b_h3_f1
      Comment

      I did think at some point that I'd want to. I no longer see the point to do so. Why should she know? Why should anyone who sees it as an expression of lust know? I think I'll end up keeping it private for as long as I have to.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      Well, in that case, her believing what she wanted to believe was an advantage. And you know, if you need to talk about anything, we're here.

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  • 25-34_f_w_h1_f2
    Advice

    In order to see if this is the right thing to do, you need to look at things from both sides, what will happen if you came out to her what scenarios might happen. she might accept, she might not, she might treat you differently, she might not..
    I say, make a list. then go ahead and do whatever the list says
    oh and goodluck !

    Reply to Dee
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  • It's the society we grew up in, but we're in a position now to change it. I struggle with the same issues but I encourage you to open up to her about this. Coming out to someone, anyone, is hugely comforting and can change your life and perspective on things. I wish I can take my own advice too and braving this out.

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      Someday, soon, I hope I'll be brave enough. Though, I won't be surprised if she says that she suspected because around her I don't hide or try to disguise it. I just have to come out and say it.

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    • Default-avatar
      Comment

      Hello!!i am not Arab or Muslim but i imagine it must be very difficult !anyway its important to be you and I encourage you in this journey

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    • 17-24_f_w_h1_f4
      Comment

      I don't blame you for not coming out yet. Before making this move you have to keep in mind several things, your age (whether you can support yourself in case they have a hard time dealing with it and you have to depend on yourself for a while) where you come from (if you would go to jail for it maybe).... etc
      I am all for being who you are and living the way you want to, but keep in mind it'll be a long process and it will take time for people to understand what you're going through, IF they ever do. As a middle eastern, I know how stubborn people are in here!

      Good luck

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    Glad her reaction wasn't so extreme. Though I wish she was more understanding to realize that the matter is much deeper and complex than that.

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  • 17-24_m_b_h3_f1
    Experience

    I don't know what to think of it. It has complicated my relationship with her, at least on my side. I feel less comfortable.

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
    Experience

    Yes, somehow it always feels awkward being around someone you came out to, no matter how close you previously were, when you can sense their homophobia or personal disgust with you.

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