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Guilt

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I would like to know if anyone has or is still experiencing feelings of guilt about being gay.

I have accepted the fact that I'm gay. I have known that for a long time, it's just that I sometimes can't help but feel guilty about it. And it's not that I think being gay is wrong. I think it's more because of how most of the people around me think it is. Also, because I am closeted, I am living this double life.

So, what I'm basically asking is if anyone ever has totally illogical feelings of guilt about being gay. If yes, how do you deal with it?

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Advice

    Yeah, I think it's totally irrelevant. People express their sexuality in many ways. Some heterosexuals do have anal intercourse, or even reciprocated roles. Do they feel guilty?

    Others masturbate, others are only satisfied as BDSM.

    So everyone has his/her own way of satisfaction, and it doesn't has anything to do with guilt!

    Have a great day!

    Reply to Anonymous
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  • 25-34_f_b_h2_f3
    Advice

    Never feel guilty for who you are. That sounds so general and vague and you probably heard it many times... but just as simple as that: never feel guilty for who you are. Do you think that straight people don't have secrets from each other? Like one of the respondents said, some people only get satisfied with BDSM. I am straight. I have been dating a foreigner for 9 years and I was always treated as if I was dirty by many of my family members and some of my cousins and friends. When my youngest sister came out to me that she was gay I felt so safe and that I was not the only one who was ashamed of something as simple and as pure as unconditional love, and afraid of how society could tarnish this love. We are taught to grow up in a certain way and please our parents that we forget that it does not mean we should displease ourselves. You probably feel this way because you are closeted, but soon you will learn that even if you come out: there are many things that define who you are more than the fact that you're gay, that will always keep you somehow "in the closet" about certain things besides your sexuality. Smile.. Tap yourself on the shoulder for being brave enough to confront who you are with yourself :) That is the most critical part.

    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
      Comment

      This makes so much sense to me. You're right, being gay shouldn't define a person. Just as being straight shouldn't. It's just a part of many parts that make a person whole.

      I think I feel guilty mostly around my family and friends, which in a sense makes me feel isolated around them sometimes. But like you said and I agree, I have accepted who I am and that Is the most important detail.

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    • 17-24_m_b_h3_f1
      Experience

      I do feel guilty sometimes when something comes up in conversation between my Mom and I. I'm alright with who I am, I've fought through that a long time back, however, being the only son in the family, I feel that guilt (maybe there's another word for it) but I do feel negative about denying my mom the realization of me being married to a nice girl, and have (a multitude of) children. I don't know about others, but I can tell my mom is really looking forward to being a grandmother.

      Accepting myself really hasn't solved that. Accepting that reality isn't going to take me that far either.

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    • 12-16_m_b_h3_f4
      Experience

      I can fully relate to this, BlueS. That's where my feelings of guilt stem from. Every parent dreams of their kids being in a traditional marriage, with lots of cute grand children running around. The perfect family. Not being able to deliver that feels like we are somehow denying them of a right, but similarly, not living life honestly would be sacrificing our own health and happiness just to satisfy them. It would come down to choices, because with things like these there are no compromises...

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    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Comment

      I am an only child which means my parents are expecting a bunch of grandchildren and I can't help it but to think that one day I want to have kids and grow old next to my partner but if this is going to happen ts not happening in this society, but I feel guilty as well and I think this will go on -I hope im mistaken - I wish our lives were simpler but I try to stay positive about the whole thing coz I love myself and ppl like us should deserve the best for what we go through.

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  • 25-34_f_b_h2_f3
    Comment

    By the way, before my sister told me she was gay, I reallyyyyy thought I was homophobic!!! Big time. I had no idea how much I had tolerance, I probably shocked her with my tolerance. Now she gives me very graphic details of her date night and I am always happy to hear she is happy.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f1
    Experience

    I really like to take steps to help any one who feels guilty about themselves/orientations. Maybe this is the goal of this website. Guilt is very subjective thing! If you eliminate if from your head, it'll disappear forever!

    Reply to Zidan
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  • 25-34_m_b_h1_f1
    Comment

    As Zidan says, guilt is very subjective. This kind of guilt is just a social construct that was created to suppress differences. Another real good example is how some society’s guilt people into bleaching their skin so they can have a lighter shade of skin. Or how about the Western world where decades ago premarital sex would have made you an outcast, but now guilt associated with premarital sex is almost none existent in this society. The world just needs to go about it the same way about homosexuality.

    Reply to heeeph
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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    Totally agree with that!

    Reply to Amadeus
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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f4
    Comment

    in this life there is our path the one that was forced by our society upon us ,, in this life there is our struggle that we have to face because we are human beings and there is our destiny which we must chose according to what we ourselves want to become in this life , to what we want to be remembered after this life,, if the others like it or not its our destiny if they accept or not its our destiny its what we want so why there is that deepest tiny feeling of guilt inside us??? maybe because we are letting our family down by being queer and let's face it here in Mena I am sure the percentage of the families that deal in normal way with the fact of having a queer son or daughter are less than 6% , we all grew up in a straight families that built inside of us the ideas of having a perfect life are by get married then have kids,, we grew up watching our relatives marrying being parents we grew up with our parents prayers for us to be safe and to find the perfect man or woman " ibn el halal or bnt el halal" so after long years from raising up inside straight society where every thing had to end up by a man marrying woman ... simply we can not help it but to feel guilty , personally in each single day when I look at my mother my father my brother and sister I have that bitter feeling inside of me because I am not straight like them .. I keep hearing that voice inside of me that keep saying you let them down

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      I deal with that by not thinking of it in terms of letting my parents down. How is it that I'm letting them down if I'm meant to be this way? They will be disappointed, hurt and betrayed even. But that's, like you said, our society and upbringing, not me.

      I guess we have to realize and accept that there is no place for blame here. It's not our fault, nor is it our parents that we're gay. It's no ones fault, it's just the way it is.

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    • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
      Comment

      "It's not our fault, nor is it our parents that we're gay. It's no ones fault, it's just the way it is."

      Yes, the problem is, there shouldn't even be anyone to blame. We need to work harder and make it clear that there's absolutely nothing wrong about being gay and therefore it shouldn't be punishable. Not by law and not from our societies and religious leaders and not from our families. That will take away a lot of the "guilt" that people have been discussing in this topic.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      It seems so impossible but it has been done before. Just need copious amounts of strength and courage.

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    • 25-34_f_w_h2_f4
      Comment

      if you do not have any feelings of guilt about being lgbt person like you are saying then good for you but you do realize that not every body here can think the same too ,, some think its their fault others think its their family fault

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    • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4
      Comment

      Hi Madi, I agree. How would some people think it's their family's fault that they are not straight? Is it usually because of the upbringing or is it the pressure?

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    • 25-34_f_b_h1_f3
      Comment

      am not guilty for being me.I was made this way, I didn't choose to be that different,So why the guilt?

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  • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4
    Experience

    I only feel guilty when I kiss someone. All we hear about is how wrong and perverted homosexuality is. When I kiss or get intimate with someone my thoughts rush into having negative feelings and guilt is one of them. I think we don't realize sometimes how much homophobia affects us with our personal decisions too, it doesn't just make us feel sad or discriminated against, but it also leaves this sour taste in our mouths that somehow we deserve the bashing because we're disgusting.

    Reply to Joon
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  • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4
    Experience

    Thinking about it some more I think it is guilt why I have never been in a relationship with anyone before and rely on flings for personal satisfaction, anything more makes me feel guilty. I have also fallen in love with a straight friend which makes me nervous and makes me feel like everything I am doing is wrong.

    • 17-24_m_w_h1_f3
      Comment

      Same thing here, Joon. Although, my shame strangely also prevents me from "personal satisfatction". lucky me...

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    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Comment

      I feel guilty about the two bags of chips I ate yesterday :P What! I was hungryyyy. Man, where's there to feel guilty about? As long as you don't commit a crime, you are innocent (until proven guilty)! Cheer up! I've done things I regret too, but that's the past. I only have a future I look forward to.

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Experience

    i don't feel guilty but just disgusted with myself. anyone ever feel that way? disgusted with their own sexuality? not even in denial, just disgust. it feels terrible and prevents you from falling in love because you cant even tolerate your own self let alone the thought of someone else wanting to be with you.

    Reply to Anonymous
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  • 51-65_f_f_h1_f3
    Experience

    I feel guilty that I am disappointing my mom by not living up to her dreams and expectations. But I have my own dreams too =(

    Reply to Butterfly
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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Advice

    Guilt is going to give us all gray hair before we hit 30. Can we feel a little less guilt and a little more pride in who we are?

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      Hear, hear!

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    • 51-65_f_f_h1_f3
      Comment

      If only it was that simple...

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    • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
      Advice

      Of course it's not going to be easy. But it's worth fighting for. We have to change our way of thinking and be more compassionate and forgiving with ourselves.

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    • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
      Comment

      I do agree with Anonymous,

      No place for guilt! Live your lives! It's just one life!

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    • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
      Experience

      i used to be a bigger believer in the after life.. & when i wanted to do something and it doesnt happen i just get lazy and say okay in the next life i will do it. now i stopped believing that way and started taking some chances. either you'll be living the dream or a nightmare but in any case its better than the feeling of 'what if what if...'

      the first step to happiness is trying. we cant try much if all we feel is guilt.

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    • 6a3miya you should believe in the present and the soon become. Having faith in your life pushing you to be what you want to be. it is life virtue to live, and to share. give love, share it and cherish every second of it. cry if you want to, scream if you need to. life is beautiful. why bother with guilt. life is not about perception of others life is about expressing who you are. You are what you are.

      stop procrastinating and stick to what you believe.

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    Flag
  • Skies are crying, I am watching
    Catching tear drops in my hands
    Only silence as it's ending
    Like we never had a chance
    Do you have to make me feel like
    There's nothing left of me?

    You can take everything I have
    You can break everything I am
    Like I'm made of glass
    Like I'm made of paper
    Go on and try to tear me down
    I will be rising from the ground
    Like a skyscraper

    As the smoke clears, I awaken
    And untangle you from me
    Would it make you feel better
    To watch me while I bleed?
    All my windows still are broken
    But I'm standing on my feet

    Go run, run, run
    I'm gonna stay right here,
    Watch you disappear

    Go run, run, run
    Yeah, it's a long way down
    But I am closer to the clouds up here

    You can take everything I have
    You can break everything I am
    Like I'm made of glass
    Like I'm made of paper
    Go on and try to tear me down
    I will be rising from the ground
    Like a skyscraper

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Experience

    Well, I didn't bother read everything here cause I honestly got no time, but yea I decided to share my guilt, only reason I'm guilty is because my family raised me to be a Muslim, I don't swear, drink, etc etc, I pray and I'm a total believer in it, never questioned it, but then when it comes to this, I fell for a guy when I was 9, so it made no sense, only did later on when I was getting crushes and it felt weird, and not talking about it actually made it stronger, so by the time it is now, it's actually hard, but I can't just stop my life tbh and all, I've put limits yes, not to go that far, but hopefully if I find that one exceptional girl and fall for her, that'd be good, but for the mean time.. it doesn't mean il stop living, you just cant, it's so depressive, i've tried.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    the worst part of having a religion is you have to accept it like it was there meant to be. the prophet did say learn by ask. so i had a religious upbringing in the weirdest way, i got expelled from 3 religious school because i asked too much, until one guy understand me and satisfy me with the answer i want.

    If God is of peace, and not hatred why there's war? If God is loving and believe in what god had create (i.e us (god ask the demon and angels to bow to human remember)) why there's contraindications in human love, and why there's flaw in the method and why love hurts so much? and many other question...

    he explained that, god created human all equal, perfect with imperfection, blank pages and provided them with the voices of reason, voices of logic, voices of rationalisation, voices of observation and many others. and before the human is born a free will is drop upon the creation.

    you are free to love whoever you want. you're free to do what you want. either you want to make your own mold or you want to use other molds is up to you. yes, guilt is something subjective. but life goes on, and you learn there's a bigger thing than that particular guilt without you realising it it will pass away.. somehow..

    Denials, anger, bargains and acceptance- stages of death, guilt...

    learn to accept it, forgive thyself, and forget.

    Reply to DrMike
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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    Guilt!? oh no life is lot shorter to live it in guilt, we're just born gays, let's not make a deal of it, and have fun and enjoy our lives, we're humans too we search for love and stuff like anyone else! so don't waste ur time feeling guilty about something that wasn't even a choice u made, just accept the fact and love urself, and go out dating and find what u need :D

    Reply to Mina
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  • sometimes i feel guilt but it's just cause of people thinking i'm wrong at the same time i feel proud of who i am cause being different and being gay is not that bad being different is amazing so don't feel guilt cause it's only bring pain.... have a nice life buddy be gay be proud

    Reply to demilover127
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    Wow, it's been almost three years now since I started this topic. Thank you guys for all the great and useful advice! I'm glad to say that I no longer have this feeling of guilt when it comes to my sexuality. I'm proud and happy to be myself with no illogical feelings of guilt to stop me from pursuing my ideals.

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  • Feel strong and confidant dear

    Reply to HairyStallion
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  • 12-16_m_w_h4_f1
    Comment

    Can i just point out something? the reason being gay is a sin is because we 'only have sex for pleasure when you're supposed to only have sex for babies' so if were discussing this from a religious perspective, Were all going to hell, Even though i think its total dog poo because there are millions of religions out there that all say the same fucking shit follow us go to heaven disobey us burn in hell, People just like to take things out of context and exaggerate things based on their views and culture, So just love your self and if Someone has a problem with you, You don't need them in your life.

    Reply to Rogue
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  • Default-avatar
    Comment

    I used to feel very guilty, even though I had several girlfreinds and I went to many places around the world where it's ok to be homosexual. I spoke with many people. And I enjoyed life as a homosexual and being free to be who I am. But I always felt guilty. Until I met this girl, she was very brave, she knew who she is and she wasn't ashamed of it. She was proud of being a lesbian. And I loved her with all my heart, and it made me see that I'm a good person, that it's ok to be homosexual, that it's "normal". And I never felt guilty again. Even though nothing happened between us, she's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm so happy she came into my life, because she helped me be who I am today. Guilt is something that only you can control, it is only in your mind and you have to free yourself.

    Reply to yasmin2000
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  • 51-65_m_f_h1_f4
    Comment

    YASMIN U R SO LUCKY TO MEET YOUR GF............DREAM TO MEET MY BOY FRIEND 2...........I WAS DREAM TO SLEEP WITH GAY GIRL OR LESBIAN ...........OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT THAT SO MUCH

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  • 25-34_m_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    sure i feel guilt

    Reply to boy4dad
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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    I feel guilty too when I think about my parents it never goes away

    Reply to Mahoys
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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f4
    Comment

    I deal with a lot of guilt every day, it's abit frustrating at times for me to be overwhelmed with this feeling, and I can't turn to friends about it because they don't understand, mostly because all my friends are straight! It is a lonely process of battling myself

    Reply to agedgrapes
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  • 35-50_m_a_h2_f2
    Comment

    for me i still feel gulity

    Reply to Sudanese
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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
    Experience

    Honestly, what happened to me is that I was already educated in very western environment and I had very liberal / progressive principles since a very young age. Now I'm 20 and I'm accepting myself as gay though I'm still in the closet, but I reached a point where the whole idea of religion, god, heaven and hell etc has made me suffer and still makes me suffer till now, when LGBT people around the world are living happily. What I mean to say is that the social values and religion in our society are cemented together and support each other, so once one falls down the other just follows and you see religion and all its believes with a different point of view!

    I'm not saying that it's the rule, by all means no, it's just my experience, I'm not at all religious so I don't feel guilt in religious terms because it's a sin etc, but I feel guilt because the homophobia that's in the air 247 around me makes me question my identity in every second of the day and fight this feeling which is more of a social shame than religious guilt

    Reply to CairoGay995
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  • 25-34_f_f_h1_f2
    Comment

    As a lesbian i don't feel guilt @all because i think god creates homo in a unique way to make a natural balance , however @the beginning of my relation with my boyfriend i used some times to feel guilt about being in a relation with a hetero in contrast to my nature but after sometimes i realized that there's nothing wrong in being happy as god wants us to be happy in any way regardless of the taboos or stereotypes.

    Reply to Horya
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  • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
    Experience

    I think guilt is generally a feeling we get when we do something wrong or when we cause harm to someone doing it but I don't think being gay does neither so I've always been guilt free regarding it especially that being gay wasn't even something I chose to begin with.

    Reply to Delusions
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  • i wont ever feel guilty for living as the true me.

    Reply to Alex_Native
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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f1
    Experience

    I have been attracted to guys since puberty and I tried SO HARD to fight it but I couldn't. I grew up in a conservative muslim family, and in a way, I was raised to be a homophobic muslim. But surprise surprise! I turned out to be gay! even now and I'm 21 years old, I still feel guilty about it, I still do my prayers in time, I still hate the fact that i'm gay, and I'm still afraid to meet anyone. Pathetically as it sounds, I envy those who can be homophobic heterosexuals and those who can be gay with no feeling of guilt because I'm caught in the middle, I can't be anything, and I don't know how to change that.

    Reply to Omar000
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  • I have always felt the same..been in a state of self denial for too long..fighting it..not accepting it..tryin so hard not to get deeper..always been afraid to meet up someone..to be known abt..the guilt is there but the fear of someone knowing it is always there too..i kne it would be a disaster..i cnt face it n would never be able to...it is a mess..cuz u cnt be whom u think u r..n as u said caught in the middle..nt livin either ways!

    Reply to Confused-guy
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  • 12-16_m_w_h4_f1
    Comment

    I feel confused sometimes

    Reply to yuda0221
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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    I don't anymore, to be honest. But I totally get where you're coming from! I've experienced this for a long time, even after I've come to terms with my sexuality. It's probably our upbringing and how our society shuns sexuality in general. I remember I would feel horrible for having sexual thoughts when I hit puberty.

    But it's okay. It gets better eventually. We get used to ourselves. And one day, you'll wake up and realize you're past all the guilt they tried to leave inside us. It happens slowly, but it does.

    Good luck!

    Reply to scrubble
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  • Default-avatar
    Advice

    You should only feel guilty if you are doing something you believe, based on truthful and just examination, is wrong.

    If you are asking whether we feel that you should feel guilty for the condition of homosexuality my answer is no. If you are asking whether I consider the practice of indulging homosexual urges is wrong my answer is yes. However, the fact is this is a matter which you can only investigate for yourself. When you reach a firm conclusion of what the right course is, you must act on it--if you do not, then that will be the source of your guilt.

    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Comment

      I disagree with Peter. I don't want to engage with that argument because I think it is obvious that a life lived in shame and secrecy, where you deny your true feelings 'for the sake of others' is not really a life well spent, It is a waste of precious time and in fact neither you nor society benefits. People who say that homosexuality is bad for society are wrong, honestly.

      It is horrible to feel guilty, but it is also really common. People like Peter want you to feel guilty about who you are, even though there is nothing wrong with you. You might feel guilty for not living up to social expectations - such as the expectation to have children and get married. You might also feel guilty for not being out to others who you are close to.

      So actually it is not that illogical to feel guilty, and many of us do, even people who are 'out and proud' and living in societies that are very accepting, because of the existence of a lot of homophobia in the world still.

      Flag
    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
      Comment

      That's all so true. I especially agree with what you're saying regarding people wanting to make others feel guilty about who they are even though they're completely alright. I think that's also similar to how society imposes upon us their own bigotry.

      Thanks a lot, anon.

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  • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
    Comment

    Why do you think it's wrong?

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  • Default-avatar
    Comment

    I am of the belief that monogamous, heterosexual relationships grounded in morality are a necessary foundation for a healthy, just society where the collective needs of all are met, among other reasons. I consider homosexual lifestyles to be the indulgence of a biological impulse gone haywire. There's more, and further detail into which I could go if it were prudent, but I think that suffices to answer this question for the context of this message. If you want to discuss in greater detail, a separate topic or a PM would be best in my opinion.

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  • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
    Comment

    It still varies from one culture to another or sometimes one family to another but generally yes, very true.

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  • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
    Advice

    Sorry, the above comment was meant to be a response to something else in this thread. Anonymous, no reason at all to feel disgusted with your sexuality. If anything it should be a source of pride for you. What makes you say these things about yourself? What's stopping you from accepting and embracing your identity?

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  • being guilty to yourself by choosing your sexuality? what happen to self assurements and understanding one well being. if people made you feel insecure about your sexuality screw them.
    Being gay, does not mean you are evil. People are more crazier this days. I know 5 heterosexuals love to have sex with animals.. i even know some of them who practise sex with an art of witchcraft, which just sick.

    do i feel bad mixing my religion with my own sexuality. yes. but do i deny myself. no. do i let my life run down the hill, no. my religion and myself are to god to judge for he is most merciful.

    alas let us return to the history, Islam was brought by the prophet through good virtues never direct confrontation about faith. because if you can tune one heart, you can see into his soul and by soul he or she can develop faith in you and faith in what we practice. this applies on how you make a relationship and creating a well being out of yourself. never regret what you choose because if you are what is the significance of your own well being?

    Embrace who you are. Dont forget your root. Pay no attention to your surrounding for you are who you are. Like mother monster said: You were born this way :-)

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    Thanks a bunch for the downright post, theosantropos! It makes a lot of sense to me and I completely agree with you.

    And mother monster is damn right, paws up!

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  • Rawks @awktopus Me amore vo le fa yah- Have faith in love!

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
    Experience

    I am not surprised by this. I thought I was very homophobic before I snapped out of my denial and embraced my homosexuality.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    This is not new but I'm sure you all know that even studies have shown that some very homophobic people may be homosexuals themselves but are in denial. I think with some bigots nowadays, they really make that obvious with their illogical statements.

    But I'm glad you came to that realization about yourself, Reem.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    I know what you mean. Not sure if this will make sense but I get that feeling when I think of certain scenarios out of fear, resulting in guilt. For example, some family member or likely homophobic friend finding out about me. Though I'm learning that we shouldn't feel this way just because of what they think. Because the way I see it, their homophobia can be as subjective as the feeling of guilt that we go through.

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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f2
    Comment

    i relate to you joon, imean all i want was to find the one but then when things started uknow to progress..i started feeling guilty to.

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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f2
    Experience

    many hearts get broken that way. been dumped many times by people who said theyre in love but then felt too guilty, too dirty, to continue with the relationship. then they go to being with guys and years later they are back with girls again after the denial ends.

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Comment

    Assalaam aleikoum wa rahmatuallah wa barakatuh Awktopus and others,

    There is no doubt that in Islam homosexuality is considered 'sinful'. Homosexuality as far as Islam is concerned is a profound mistake ( as are all sins if they are not intending to do wrong). Humans are not homosexuals by nature. People become homosexuals because of their environments. Particularly critical is the environment during puberty. Suggestions, ideas & strange dreams are symptoms of confused attempts to understand new and blunt sexual desires and are rashly interpreted as defining someone as being one sexuality or another. If these conclusions are accompanied by actual homosexual acts they are even more strongly reinforced.

    Human instincts can be subjected to acts of will. Sexuality is a choice of identity which follows choices of action which follow from choices of what to have sexual fantasies about. Human beings are especially able to control their thoughts, entertaining some and dismissing others.

    However, if this free will is not recognised it is easy to get into a cycle of thinking which starts from accepting a hypothesis about yourself as true rather than as a possible choice (even if the options are sometimes difficult).For example: "I am lazy " could be supposed true by someone. When the person who thinks this lies around in bed in the morning he observes this inaction as evidence of the statement "I am lazy." As he repeatedly chooses to do so the evidence mounts and the idea becomes fixed in his identity. It may even have physical manifestations and change his physiology and psychology. This process can easily occur for any idea good or bad about the self which is based largely on evidence resulting from ones own action. The idea may be "I am 'gay'" or "I am content" or "I love eating lots of food". The truth is - you are what you choose to be ; you do what you choose to do ; you think what you choose to think. There may be long time delays between the causing choices and the effects but anyone can change themselves. There are reformed ex-drug addicts, reformed ex-compulsive gamblers and ex-homosexuals. In all these sins prevention is 1000 times better than cure and much easier.

    It has been suggested that homosexuality is genetically inherited and that those who have this 'predisposition' are victims of it not sinners of any sort. However, there are other things which are probably genetically influenced to give predispositions to for example gambling or alcoholism .It could also be argued (and has been) that it is programmed into men's genetics for them to be unfaithful to their partner. All these things don't make it the right thing to do, nor does it prevent these things from being regarded as sinful. Drinking alcohol will still be regarded as sinful in Islam even if you have a predisposition to be an alcoholic. The trick as every post alcoholic will tell you is never touch another drop after you quit - it is a long slippery slope - your life is better without it. Once a certain desire is connected to your identity strongly and you get in some way hooked on it, it will always be easy to return to it - you are unable to forget the satisfaction. The difficult task is remembering the bad side of the desire, such as hangovers, lost money, self loathing or a simply sense of loss because of what you missed out on. But if you are to change for the better, you must remember this and the past desires you bound up with your identity can become disconnected from what you choose to become.

    • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
      Comment

      Love for another human being, the most beautiful thing created by our Lord, is in no way comparable to alcoholism, drug abuse or even gambling. That's all.

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    • 17-24_f_b_h1_f2
      Comment

      this kind of failed logic and preaching has resulted in societies full of fear and self loathing. it does the opposite of its goal (to make people religious) which is turning people away from religion. certainly this worked on me. not interested in living my life in anger while witnessing the hypocracies around me. true faith is about love and forgiveness. not criminalizing everything we attempt.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
      Experience

      I always tell people that that is one of the reasons "which is turning people away from religion" in a sense. Though sometimes, I also feel like it's completely up to a person and how they deal with the situation and not give up on their faith but have their own way of believing. Yet, I completely understand the pressure and disgusting hypocrisy surrounding us. I have experienced some of them, so I tend not to associate myself with any school of thought, entirely.

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  • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
    Comment

    That must have sucked Vicci. An ex of mine got married to 'save face' as they say. Not sure how long he can last in such a marriage. I got over it quicker than I thought I would and fell in love with a better person who did much more than just fill the void my ex left behind when he left me. No hard feelings and no regrets :)

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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Experience

    sometimes i wish it was that easy vicci! once i fall in love, i am stuck in love for a long long time. even when that person moves on to one boyfriend after another, even one girlfriend after another, and when you keep track of them on twitter or facebook you see their plans for engagement or being happy and i get green with envy and pain. turns my stomach upside down when i see pictures of him with anyone else, looking all happy and in love. i want to tune out of following his every move but i don't know how! am too attached i guess.

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  • oh get a grip, if you feel guilty of what you had choose then why on earth you choose to be born. Life is all about choices and you shall accept, take and absorb whatever consequences that may come. Life itself is journey.

    do i have regrets living my life based on facts that i am gay. should i? should i regret because i am muslim that is only for Allah and me to judge not others. Happiness are not strictly for them heterosexuals. Screw them if they hate us. if they say we all going to hell, i will say this to their face i will see you there.

    live your life based on what you want. Winnie the pooh said that: bee what you want to bee. enough said.

    Australia is now moving forward. Tunisia is loosing up. What can i say? Gay or straight they are all human hence human rights are applied to them. If gay meant to be animals, so does straight. we r all human alike. live like one, choose what you want to be.

    Robert frost chose to travel the road less taken and he become the best. Should you choose the road that is common or you pave your own. Your life is your own story to tell, write carefully, tread wisely. No need for guilt or tears unless necessary.

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Experience

    "Screw them if they hate us. if they say we all going to hell, i will say this to their face i will see you there." Would you say the same if they were saying this to you while carrying a machete? Frankly this is MUCH easier said than done. For many this is an incredibly difficult and painful journey. Not everyone is in the position to simply snap out of it - if it was that simple why are so many people still suicidal and chronically depressed? These people want to change and to "get a grip" more than anything, but it's psychologically impossible to lose everything you have ever loved or spent your life building to see it crumbling in front of your eyes due to rejection and worse, an escalating amount of hatred. I've been there and I can tell you it's not easy, not one bit.

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  • 12-16_f_b_h2_f2
    Comment

    i don't know if you feel guilty because you're muslim or because of another things but i guess it normal for you to feel guilt your in a place that don't accept the fact of people being gay .

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  • 35-50_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    No guilt feelings anymore.. I'm accepting myself.. I feel God's love for me... I understand myself, my religion and how I should deal with my situation... God was never the issue .. It's people who thinks they have the right to speak for God

    Reply to falconfree
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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
    Comment

    Are you heterosexual or homosexual ? If you are heterosexual, have you ever thought that you heteroseuality is a "hypothesis" about you rather than a possible choice and the truth is that your are GAY ? If you are Gay when did you start telling yourself these "I'm gay" and "repeatedly" doing it until it became a part of you ? but the most important is why ? why would a person convince itself that she is what she is not ? what would she choose something she knows it's gonna bring her problem in the environnement where she lives ??

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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
    Comment

    That's the most absurd thing i've ever heard: Comparing homosexuality to drug addiction like if it was a bad thging !!!! Can you give examples of "ex-homosexuals" beacuse i couldnt find any. It's true that there are some gay men/women who got married to the opposite sex and had children but the feelings for the same sex never gone and you can read about that.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
    Comment

    You gave the bad side of drinking alcohol now can you give us the "bad side" of being gay ? and please dont tell me about sin and religion cause your argument must be valid for a muslim and non-muslim person ?

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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
    Comment

    "Change for the better" you mean being "heterosexual" is better than being "gay". You mean one sexuality is better then an other . And how did you conclude that sir ??!!!!

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