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Becoming a professional liar

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Salaam all-
I wonder if people share my experiences. I have a fair amount of freedom for your average Muslim Arab girl living in the USA. And I of course take advantage of it. The problem is of course when my parents confront me about it.

I am in my second relationship, and it is much more serious than my first. We are planning on spending our lives together. (he's muslim too!) Right now, I live at home, and he lives 2 hours away, and I make up any excuse that I can to see him. I don't care about the lying. I love my family so so much, and I don't want to leave them, and this is what I have to do in order to get what I want from both sides.

But everyone knows that all lies eventually star to unravel. I've had this happen before, with big crying confrontations with my family, they found out everything about my first girlfriend, but we'd broken up so I just said more lies about how she didn't mean that much and I was in a phase and all that. (it really, really sucked.) Now I am thinking that if this comes apart, I will have to leave my family, because I couldn't get both sides anymore. The thought fills me with dread, and I wish my family would just not ask me questions, but the fact that they let me travel two hours away, and even overnight sometimes, is a big step for them.

I just don't know anymore. It is getting very very frustrating having to invent friends, pretend my phone's dead, and put my bf in uncomfortable positions just to have my stories "verified". I really am a professional liar, and I wish there was any other way I could live. .

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  • I imagine it would be easier justifying a relationship with a man than it is with a woman? I understand why you went through it when you had a girlfriend but if this guy is also Muslim couldn't you tell them about him, that it's serious and you plan to marry? Like any other Arab parents excited to see their children get married I would have thought they would be thrilled.

    • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
      Comment

      I should have clarified, that my boyfriend is both black and trans... I'm considering introducing him and saying "take him or leave me". And yes it would be easier than a girl, but it would be by no means easy.

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      Anonymous
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      Hi, I know I should know this already because I'm bisexual but what exactly is a trans? Cross-dressing homosexual? Please excuse my ignorance.

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    • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
      Comment

      Sure! Trans refers to people who don't identify with the gender they were given when they were born. Gay people who cross-dress aren't tran unless they identify as a different gender. A butch woman still wants to be called "she", but a trans man wants to be called "he" even though he was assigned female at birth, like my boyfriend.

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  • 51-65_f_f_h1_f3
    Experience

    These are impossible choices to make because the question is: do we live a lie or do we just not live with our families anymore & have a connection to them?

    I battled with coming out to my mother for a long time. I settled for not telling her. I don't really know anyone who has had it both ways :(

    • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
      Experience

      I sometimes wonder how common it is for families to cut ties with each other because of this or if they would just experience deep shame and try to "fix" the person. I know my family would be upset but they would never kill me for something like this or even throw me in the streets even if I think about it from time to time. We went through a lot of horrible things together that for them this would be just one more thing to "get over" and move on from.

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  • 25-34_f_b_h1_f1
    Comment

    Courage is completely preferred in such situations,you should confront your family as you said, show them that you are taking the consequences of your decisions ,things never change except with your free will.Make sure that you have to do your best to make this happen with your partner! Good luck dear!

    • 12-16_m_a_h3_f1
      Advice

      I agree with palkokapo this is some good advice here. Youre old enough to make your own decisions about these things and they need to let go

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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
    Comment

    Well.

    It's funny that I posted this.

    Last weekend, I lost track of time and came home too late after visiting my boyfriend. I ended up telling my parents the truth about where I was. They flipped out. Despite the fact that they don't know he's trans, they do know he's black, and they flipped out. And two days later, I left home. I've been out of the house for a week, and ended up putting my father in the hospital out of stress.

    I don't feel happy, yet, because of how recent all of this is and how emotionally heavy the consequences of my actions are. But it feels right. I haven't gotten in contact with them since I left, but they know I'm safe, and my friends are helping me out immensely. I don't know how this is going to end. But either way. I suppose I've left my professional lying ways behind me.

    Reply to arabsest
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