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Coming Out to a Muslim Egyptian Family: Thoughts?

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Hi everybody, I hope you are all doing well

Lately, I have been conflicted because I realize that I must eventually come out to my family. I know I want to one day marry another man and have a family...but I am worried about how they will take the news, especially that I know that much of my family is religious will try to use that as a mask for their homophobia. I live in America, so even if the worst possible situation happened, I can just cut off relations with my family...but I really don't want to do that. I guess I just want it all...I want to come out and for my family to eventually accept me, the same way they do now. I also think that because I live in America and because I am able to live as openly gay, it's also my duty to come out and to do my small part in making arabs more knowledgable about gays: that we are normal and halal, we want to find love just like everybody else. Right now, I am mostly out to my friends and very few people in my family, like my mom and two of my cousins (who found out about me, i didn't come out to them.) My mom was never very accepting, especially that I told her when I was only 15 (I am 21 now), but I feel after all these years she is slowly starting to come around. My other 2 cousins, one of them he is accepting and says that being gay is halal but I don't think he agrees with getting married. My other cousin thinks I can change.

I guess I am just asking for words of encouragement, and any tips you think might help me. I'm stressed out about it a lot, especially with my family here and in Masr always asking me when I'm going to get married. I always feel like I want to burst out, because I want to get married....just not to who they think I do. For me, it's not a matter of if I come out, it's when and how...and how I can help my family to understand I am not a bad person for wanting to spend my life with a man...

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  • I hear you - thinking about coming out is stressful. It sounds like you're slowly building up the courage and that's great. Just keep doing what you're doing! And the more non-family support you can build up until then, the better - in case things get ugly with birth family you'l always have chosen family - and ahwaa family

    Reply to femmeprincess
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  • You are so right! Working on surrounding myself with loving, accepting people Thank you for your sweet advice

    Reply to elsayedtheamerican
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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f1
    Comment

    Whatever you choose to do, please try not to compromise yourself. They will try to "religiously win you over" so you've got to stay strong.

    • You're absolutely right...it's easier said than done, but in my heart I know that being gay is halal and perfectly normal. I just wish it were easier to convince everyone else of it!

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    • Thank you for the kind words

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    • 17-24_m_w_h2_f1
      Advice

      make sure you are financially independent and tell them while you are at the USA not in Egypt so you would be more protected. I would also recommend telling them one by one, don't rush and tell them all at once. First try to bond more to your mother, win her over and talk to her about your situation until she takes your side. Then tell another family member who you think would be accepting to your situation then another one...keep doing that till you have some family and leave the least accepting people and your father to the end. I really hope I'm able to do that one day, your courage is really inspiring
      Good luck!

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    • Thank you Omar for this well thought out piece of advice!! I had been really considering telling everyone at once because it seems easier for now...but it might actually be better long-term just gaining a little support at a time. Plus, if one person has a bad reaction, it is much better than having multiple people having a bad reaction at the same time. I will definitely keep you all updated, and slowly but surely I will begin to come out I hope everyone one day can have a good experience and can build a network of friends and family that love and accept them, gay and all.

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