Actually I have a lot of questions...but let's not go there :) It's hard being gay (closeted or not) in a religious family. Over the years (when I was growing up), I was searching for some kind of a approval that I was OK.
I felt distant from my siblings, because I was different (and still am). Not just because of my gender, but overall...I'm just different. I got my heart broken different (boys and girl) and several times. I would always try and to get close to that person, but it would go nowhere. Rejection is what I felt over the years. Before I knew it; I was starting to reject myself. Suicide was then an option, but I never did go there. It was just a thought. The only thing that kept me going was my faith and God. After that I stopped rejecting myself and I came out to myself as a lesbian.
I recently came out to myself as a bisexual, because I'm still attracted to men. Anyhow....over the years I was looking for guidance. I wanted some sort of a guru to teach me how to live with all of these feelings, attractions, urges etc. I wanted someone I can look up to. Someone like a rolemodel. I've searched high and low for that person, but I didn't find anyone. I've searched for gays in the time of Prophet Muhammad (sas). I want(ed) to know how the Prophet treated them and in what manner. And I'm talking about "gays" as in homosexuals not practising homosexual acts. And I would daydream about what it would be like if I was living in the time of the Prophet. How I would've told him about my secret. How he would've listened to me and treated me with kindness, love and respect. But then reality hits me and I feel sad cause I will never get that same treatment by my parents. I'm certain they will definitely not feel kidness, love and sure as hell no respect towards me. Anyhow. I was wondering if anyone knows about (heard or read) gays in the time of the Prophet.
I am looking for information about gays who admit they're gay and feel like that this is their test in life. Stories from the past or present; doesn't matter to me. I just want some inspiration and see how they deal(t) with the things and struggles in life.
If you have any information etc...I would appreciate it. Thanks! :D .