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Actually I have a lot of questions...but let's not go there :) It's hard being gay (closeted or not) in a religious family. Over the years (when I was growing up), I was searching for some kind of a approval that I was OK.

I felt distant from my siblings, because I was different (and still am). Not just because of my gender, but overall...I'm just different. I got my heart broken different (boys and girl) and several times. I would always try and to get close to that person, but it would go nowhere. Rejection is what I felt over the years. Before I knew it; I was starting to reject myself. Suicide was then an option, but I never did go there. It was just a thought. The only thing that kept me going was my faith and God. After that I stopped rejecting myself and I came out to myself as a lesbian.

I recently came out to myself as a bisexual, because I'm still attracted to men. Anyhow....over the years I was looking for guidance. I wanted some sort of a guru to teach me how to live with all of these feelings, attractions, urges etc. I wanted someone I can look up to. Someone like a rolemodel. I've searched high and low for that person, but I didn't find anyone. I've searched for gays in the time of Prophet Muhammad (sas). I want(ed) to know how the Prophet treated them and in what manner. And I'm talking about "gays" as in homosexuals not practising homosexual acts. And I would daydream about what it would be like if I was living in the time of the Prophet. How I would've told him about my secret. How he would've listened to me and treated me with kindness, love and respect. But then reality hits me and I feel sad cause I will never get that same treatment by my parents. I'm certain they will definitely not feel kidness, love and sure as hell no respect towards me. Anyhow. I was wondering if anyone knows about (heard or read) gays in the time of the Prophet.

I am looking for information about gays who admit they're gay and feel like that this is their test in life. Stories from the past or present; doesn't matter to me. I just want some inspiration and see how they deal(t) with the things and struggles in life.

If you have any information etc...I would appreciate it. Thanks! :D .

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  • 51-65_f_f_h1_f3
    Experience

    I thought this way for a very long time, that God was testing me and I had to find out the next step. How this was just a bad temptation that I had to overcome and escape. This changed over time as I grew older and really understood and come to terms with my identity. I first felt that if God could not accept me that I couldn't possibly accept myself, that it was wrong for me to be someone He could not approve of. Luckily for me that changed. The test is not from God. The test is from the core of our being. It's a challenge of strengths. Good on you for taking the time to learn about and accept yourself. Most people aren't courageous enough to do that and end up living the rest of their lives hiding not just from everyone around them, but even themselves. That's such a hard life to live, and in a way it's a life not lived at all.

    Reply to Butterfly
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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    Yeah, thanks! Same goes for you. It takes a couragous person to accept something that most people won't or cannot accept. I however would like to pick your brain. I've emailed you; so I'll be waiting your reply :).

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  • 17-24_m_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    Well some of the ecxpriences are like you guys. Bittersweet. A big part of being a muslim. I cudnt let go of it. It may sound really irraitonal to other. i a m angry but I have hope that He will push aside all these burdens. I dnt think Islam condemns homosexuality but rather silent or implied approval.
    I have been so depressed that I felt fake. I am in a place where I can be who I am and whats ko with me but I am not happy. Its sad. I am trying to be though but its sad.
    There were people who were not attracted to women during the times of the Prophet but nothing is said about their sexual acts.
    I really. It feels like a big part to us. i am sure Allah(swt) knows that. But I just dnt know why not discuss it in details. I guess the ambiguity left there is what gave people to chance to condemn homosexuals rather than accept them. No one tried to think rationally or our needs what can happen to us. These urges haunts you ALL THE FRIGGING TIME AND DEPRESSES YOU. I even think of slepeing with women just for the sake of getting the out or testing to if I like...trust me I have become sad about this. I was so confident. I feel like its OCD and I am trying to fight it, Its hard. Even saying this a lot of time dsnt make the sadness and pain leave.
    Its really sad I tell you, I am not so comfortable like used to be.
    Anyways you might want to go to The Inner Circle. They might be able to help you.
    I wish you the best sister. I struggle too I really dont want to anymore.

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    Anonymous
    Comment

    Maybe you can be that person that others will look up to. Personally I think the Prophet (SAW) will be more than understanding. He'll disagree but he'd probably still befriend you. I don't think he'd try to change you either. He'd just want to guide you and then leave the decision up to you. I read about bad things and punishments for homosexuals during these days but I don't really trust these sources to be honest. I think in person we would have experienced something very different.

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    Who knows? We just have to wait and see what the future holds for me. And I agree with you concerning our beloved Prophet (sas). I don't trust those sources either (not just about the punishments for homosexuals). If it doesn't make sense to me; I don't trust it. Simple as that.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    hey everyone! just relax ... there is no god no prophet! live your life out of complexes!

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      A lot of us are of faith and for us there is a God and a Prophet, it's a big part of who we are and where we come from. So your comment is offensive, tbh. Why belittle religion or the struggle we face because of people's perception of it?

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    • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
      Comment

      i respect your opinion but dont agree with it

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    • 17-24_m_w_h1_f4
      Comment

      I understand the point where you people are coming from, the thing is why believe in something that denies your basic rights ? All Abrahamic Religions as the scriptures say are anti-LGBT, Yet the amount of scientific evidence presented disproves the Abrahamic God's existence and at least for me Faith without evidence is not a virtue, My personal recommendation is you researching for yourself the topic of skepticism

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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
    Comment

    This is so bittersweet. Let me tell you, that if I wasn't queer, that if I wasn't forced to go through hell (figuratively) to convince myself that God doesn't hate me, I wouldn't have half the love and knowledge of God and my religion than I do now. Being gay made me so much more religious, in a weird, weird, way.

    • 17-24_m_w_h3_f2
      Comment

      So what kind of religion that allow Homosexuality ?!

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    • Some parts of hindu I believe.
      However, if you wait for others to allow you (including religions) you will for ever be seen as something sick.
      There is nothing sinfull in the love that God created, no matter what god you pray to.

      Love must always be something beautiful.
      PEOPLE made us into something sinful, not God (Allah)

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    • 25-34_f_w_h2_f3
      Comment

      Read Conversations with God. You can find all three audiobooks on youtube. And watch the "Homosexuality in the Quran" playlist on the QuranistsNetworkTV channel, as well.

      You're welcome .

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