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What am I?

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Okay here is the thing;
I always thought I was straight, growing up in a Muslim family and all but now that I am an adult, things are very different.
I changed very much, but I never started questioning my sexuality until a few months ago, that is because the last time I had a boyfriend was over 3 years ago. And then thinking about it, I also realized that throughout my sexual relationships with them I never felt aroused. On the other hand I never had a girlfriend or and lesbian experience for that matter because I have no Idea how I'd approach anyone with something like that so I am not sure what I am although I have a very strong feeling it isn't down-right straight.
I could truly use some advice;

xo.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Advice

    I suppose this is where you start experimenting? You don't have a clear idea. On the one hand maybe you didn't feel aroused because it wasn't the right guy on the other you could be gay... or it could be a number of different things. Be open-minded, experiment and see what feels right.

    Reply to Edel
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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
    Comment

    My question being how do I experiment? I only have gay guy friends :\

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Advice

      I think the best way is if you like a girl, you talk to her, befriend her so you learn more about her (her views on homosexuality especially), give out the right kind of signals and see if it works. I hope you have good instincts (or gaydar). A lot of the above can be skipped if you already know she's gay. And you could also ask your gay guy friends if they know some lesbians and get in touch.

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    Did you ever find yourself being aroused when thinking about a particular girl or if you ever had a crush? Any romantic feelings towards female friends? Can you see yourself being in a relationship with another woman?

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      Yes, Roo, with what Reem's asking I do have a question too. Did you question your sexuality because you didn't feel anything for men or because you had/have feelings for women?

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    • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
      Comment

      As personal as this sounds I started questioning it after I felt that I really liked this girl and it didn't feel like the I like you like a friend normal; no. That was different.

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      Anonymous
      Comment

      Do you know if she is a lesbian/queer? Do you feel comfortable having these thoughts or do you feel more on the denial side?

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    • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
      Comment

      I am more than fine accepting myself as a lesbian if that is what I am. My problem goes back to the fact that I am not sure, and I want to be certain before I classify myself as anything. She is also downright straight.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Experience

      There are many women out there who know they're gay when they have had no sexual experiences. Me, for instance. I know I'm gay because of what I've felt in the past and how I've felt towards women, in general, my whole life.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
      Comment

      I have had feelings and I am having feelings at the moment but I don't know how to confirm it. Like I to be honest I am confused that's more like it.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
      Advice

      I think sexuality is a natural thing, it needs to come naturally. You won't be able to just figure it out through logic or thought. You'll end up over-thinking the entire thing and the topic of sexuality will just bore you then. I'm not saying don't think about it or question yourself. On the contrary, you should, just not too much. You can start by asking yourself: am I emotionally and physically attracted to males or females? Maybe both(?).

      Once you're past that though, I'd say have patience and try to just go with the flow. Wait and see which is the most comfortable. And don't stress about it!

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    Anonymous
    Experience

    Sometimes I'm not sure if I am attracted to males because it's real or because it's forced as it's what people expect of me, as a woman. I can't help but feel much more attracted and attached to women though. I still find some men sexually attractive but I can't see myself in a serious relationship with one. It would be pleasure over love. With a woman it's love and pleasure at the same time.

    • 17-24_f_b_h1_f2
      Experience

      some people are in denial to please themselves and their families. in the end they are only harming themselves. when you finally settle with a woman: you owe it to your family to say the truth about who you are and to not lie around your closests friends. it's important for your personal happiness. when that's out of the way it's their job to adjust around your identity not the other way around so dont give them any opportunities to ruin this life for you.

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f3
    Experience

    I was recently thinking of posting a new topic on Ahwaa similar to yours. You see, when I was growing up I had crushes on boys and on girls. Because of the intensity of the crushes on girls; I sort of claimed myself to be 100% gay. Pushing the fact away that I still had crushes on boys; I found myself in a spiral of conflict. I thought: "you cannot be attracted to both sexes; it's impossible. It's one way or the other...not both!". So, I grew up wanting to be straight (praying..hoping..wishing), but nothing helped. Then I accepted that I was 100% lesbian. And I have recently opened up old wounds and had a silent moment with myself. Clear head. Looking back. Looking at the present. Then it hit me. I am not 100% straight and I am not 100% gay: I am bisexual. How confusing can life get? Here we are...

    I have decided I am bisexual, because I am very much attracted to men as well as to women. I know..it's confusing. It's like one day you want coffee and the next day you grave for tea. Or one day you want dark chocolate and the next it's white chocolate. Straight people can somewhat understand gay people, but bisexuals??? Even gaypeople don't understand bisexuals. I know what they're thinking : "Why don't you just make up your mind?" Well, can you make your mind up by only chosing tea for the rest of your life? You can't! Because, sometimes you want coffee!

    How did I know I was bisexual? Well, the past. I always had crushes on boys (particularly the bad boys - good looking etc) and I still do feel the attraction towards men. It's not only a physical attraction; it is also emotionally. When something deep down tells you, you want to know more about him. And the same feeling goes towards women. I do have to admit that all my crushes on females were intense and with the men not so. But, it's only because I have never let any man in my circle of trust or even gave them a chance to get closer to me. Probably of certain personal experiences with men...never had a great male rolemodel. And with females; everything is easy. I let my guard down really easy when I'm attracted to a certain woman. But, with men..I actually keep my guard up and even thicken the wall. "For own protection". Which is silly because..I have had my heart broken by women sooo many times and men? Not really.

    Well, anyhow. I don't know if I've helped you with figuring out what you really are. One advice is: don't think you cannot be attracted to both. You cannot ignore your feelings towards women as well as men. I made the mistake by ignoring the feelings I had for men; only because I was afraid of getting hurt. Now that I do know what I am; I'm open to new experiences. Btw...never had any experiences of relationships with women nor men. I made this decision without having any of the above. Experimenting is not necessary. Whatever works.

    Let's hope I finally get to meet the love of my life in the year 2012! From the lonely year 201(1)...to 201(2) is the number of two!! Hopefully two lovebirds :D

    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Experience

      This experience is almost identical to mine. It's like you were reading my mind.

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    • 25-34_f_w_h3_f3
      Comment

      I was reading your mind (◕‿-) "Special powers"

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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
    Comment

    Then you must take everything out of the way and go with whatever makes you happy; you must accept yourself in order for others to accept you (:

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    Anonymous
    Comment

    I agree 100% :) Now if only I can find the courage...

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