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Should I accept a threesome?

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Hi,
I'm 29 married and bisexual. My husband is open about this and accepts me and respects my preferences (which is rare in Lebanon). Recently a friend of mine (female) suggested if I do a threesome with my husband and her. My husband didn't mind the idea but wants me and him to set rules (who participates with whom, what limits etc...) I've heard many positive and negative stories about threesomes. What do you think I should do?

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  • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
    Advice

    Your husband is open to the idea and you are seriously considering it, so if you trust your husband enough to know that this won't backfire on you and you trust your friend then do what you think is right. It's not unusual for your husband to set boundaries, most couples typically do.

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  • 17-24_m_f_h3_f1
    Advice

    wow...this is quite intense. I never dared to open the issue of a threesome with bf even though we have been together for a while now. I don't have anything against it but it scares the crap out of me. I'm afraid that it might change things among us so I would definitly understand the need for rules.
    The only thing that I can tell you is take it slow. Just think about it and take your time. I guess this is a question that only you can answer.

    Cheers

    Reply to Ahmad
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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f2
    Advice

    Sex with limitations is ridiculous to me unless you're into BDSM. That being said, because you are in a relationship, any sex you do have will naturally have emotions tied in so jealousy will creep in from you and him. It's just how relationships work. You are emotionally invested in it and that bleeds into everything that you do together, it's inescapable. As such, having another person come into your relationship even just sexually is not advisable. Ask yourself this: do you feel the need for a woman or another person in general? If so, why? Is he not fulfilling you in some way? Threesomes sound cool in theory and are awesome when you're single, but otherwise, are a disaster waiting to happen unless the both of you are very casual about sex (which I'm guessing you're not).

    • I agree with this. I understand that every relationship needs a spark to make it work but personally I think I might end up feeling left out or jealous when my partner is sexually pleasing someone else, much less in front of me. What if your husband ended up liking it and wanting more, with other women that you are not comfortable with and who aren't very trustworthy? It may seem harmless at first but it could really complicate your relationship with him and with your friend.

      I know several people who have had threesomes within their marriages and you are right that there are both positive and negative experiences, but the positive ones are rare. There are more things that could go wrong than right, as an aftermath.

      It's a good sign that he is open about bisexuality but sometimes reactions might differ when you're performing with someone else. Like Ahmad said this is a decision that you yourself can make only but just take these thoughts into consideration before rushing into anything that you might regret later. We could all be wrong but it's good to be aware of the consequences beforehand.

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    • 25-34_f_b_h2_f3
      Comment

      I am a 27 year old and have been "illegitimately" with my boyfriend for tooo many years and very happy. When we first started dating, the first two years, I went through a lot of pain and self-doubt because he was cheating on me and still exploring with other girls, some of them were my friends. After which he would insist that I have by far been his best and he can't imagine his life without me. We were also somewhat friends so in the beginning before there was true and eternal love (haha), there was also a lot of me pretending that I forgive him yet also just spending my time with him to avoid loneliness during college. I loved his energy and loved to be accompanied by him, and even though I would love his presence. In his absence I compare myself to each girl he blinks towards!

      But then again we were kids and in college, and he kept saying that he needed the experience to be able to feel he's been there, done that. It hurt me as I always questioned myself as to whether or not I was enough for him, but as a 19 year old girl, I decided to be more mature about him and learn about how men "work". May he would turn out to be not good enough for me. I did not want to be like the rest of my friends who sat in groups drinking and smoking and burning old pictures of guys or breaking eggs on his new flings dorm windows. I was tired of that cliche and i have definitely been cheated on before, I wanted to understand this emotionless world they fall into each time they slip into a new girl!

      Like Sarah said: "it's just how relationships work"- it's true! and I hated that. I hated the: "well... this is life!" (even though it's true), or, "well.. that's men!" (even though men's brains do function totally differently no matter how much I want it to not), or, "she's a slut you're way better than her" (even though the girl is the most beautiful interesting smart thing walking on earth), or, "its going to get really bad" (even though it's flowers & laughter & tears & more hard laughter and memories and success unfolding for the both of you), or, "if you do this, you'll get that as a result" (just because it happens to 97.8% of people)

      In my exploration, I realized a lot about my own sexuality and I felt that I was ignoring it because I was too focused on how things should seem.

      Now, after many years of not cheating but still loving every aspect of beautiful women, recently I acknowledged the fact that he would love to experiment more. We love each other so much and I fully trust him and believe that it will hurt him as much as it would hurt me if he cheats on me. So I brought up the option of a threesome with him, where both of us would be put to test about the extent of our openness in sexuality and our respect and love for beauty.

      And no being openly sexual does NOT mean you are having "casual sex".

      I am very well aware of the consequences after a threesome, the fact that he might like the girl even more than me and the fact that he might even only find pleasure with the presence of a third friend. Or worse, that each friend of mine he meets he would start thinking sexually about her and ask me if she would be open for a threesome. But then I think: what if one day when he's 40, and he's bored, and on a flight going to a business meeting somewhere exotic, and he meets the most beautiful girl on earth who gives herself to him. Or what if that even happens tomorrow? Will I always repress the fact that a "spark" is needed beyond just buying something hot to wear for him for the night? Will I always pretend that everything sexual like threesomes and the dirt that comes with them is taboo- and causes nothing but problems?

      Or will I discuss it first, set rules, break the rules, re-set rules, and work out every corner of each others desires, but together?

      I would die if my boyfriend is on a flight now humping someone (I dont know why its always in a flight). Not because he touched another woman or because he betrayed me and I lost him forever, but simply because it's such a demeaning degrading feeling to feel so unwanted, unloved and ugly knowing that he could have repressed core sexual needs around me simply to fit in the role of the good boyfriend.

      I say, if you are bisexual, and you want to explore sexually with your husband- he is one lucky man! And you wouldn't be jealous because you would be the whole time in touch with yourself and the core purpose of your trying something out. You would be enjoying it and he would be appreciating your love for beauty. You have to make sure that he knows what this would do to your relationship and see if he also believes it will make it better. That he is also in touch with himself when he does it without focusing only what you asked.

      It is only because we are out of our comfort zone, or what we know to be our comfort zone, that we seem to be at risk of bringing a third person for a sexual encounter between you and your husband. But in reality, we are ALWAYS facing that risk. NO matter how many two people love each other, the power of sex can sometimes be large and foolish enough to intrude, even simply by repressing sexual feelings.

      Choosing the right perfect woman is the hard thing to do! That is why I have been talking about a threesome for a year and half and haven't had one single opportunity with someone decent that I like. So good luck in that- and everything else- you will hae to believe that your relationship is not part of a statistic, it is so different and special and only good things can happen to it.

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    • for once, ask yourself do you need 3somes? or is it because your sex life have lost it sparks? if it so you should consider it. sometimes 3somes once a while is a good thing. i had do a studies for my diplomas which showed that 60% of couples in the states open to the idea of 3 or 4somes especially on a special occasion. and it made their bond together more closer than ever.

      3somes does not mean all 3 people involve in sex, or vise versa. maybe one guy can be the voyeur while the other 2 do it. one can be on top while the other on bottom.i never had one, but i just had an orgy. but i have the idea.

      3somes is like any other sex, should be safe. if you wanna do it without the boundaries check your self.

      lastly, wanna have fun and make your hubby happy? 2 girls one guy. that should give a field day. Happy fun

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f3
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    Comment

    good do it if u want and enjoy wth ur now live

    Reply to sal_q55
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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f2
    Comment

    Threesome is cool when no strings attached and with no strings attached i do mean no husband or bf or gf .. cause as sweet as it might seem to you theres always gonna be consequences to it. Are you ready for it??
    n iwanna salute you for being freak n bringing on such topic, n that why i wanna ask freakly..why u wanna go for it?? cause you wanna be with a woman n dont wanna be a cheater in the process or just cause your bored...feel free to answer or not!
    If i was you iwouldnt,not just cause am alesbian and i wont pay attention to the dude....its just to risky.

    Reply to RonZ
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  • 25-34_f_b_h2_f3
    Comment

    I don't think it's a freak thing to do at all. The world is filled with labels, rules, limitations and forbidden pleasures- that even the simplest thing has become taboo. It only makes things worse and breaks more hearts. Why squeeze the most indescribably experiences under limited defined meanings. Humans have lost their true intuition because of language, "freak, nymph, sex addict, chronic this, chronic that, severe this, severe that.." Humans are way too complicated and beautiful to be limited by words created in this lifetime. Just do what you want if you have a deep connection with your spouse, and think of the consequences and possibilities that will come later.. try to envision the path to take if one of those consequences occurred and the worst happens with your experience. But don't look at statistics, nor confine yourself with bland words like freak, pervert, etc. Risky? There's a higher chance that you get a car accident than ending true love because of a sexual experience. I think it's great practice!

    Reply to Naima
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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    I dunno how old this topic is, but i'm going through the same thing! It's mainly me, hubby doesn't seem to care about other women, but he open to the idea of a FmF threesome, and we both think it's an extended expression of our love for one another.

    But, like Naima, I still can't find a participant! Sigh.

    I either find uninterested straight girls, or lesbians! Dahhhh

    Reply to Cuddles
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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f4
    Advice

    Have u seen that movie called love 2015 ?? if not I advise u to . It shows how much such things can fuck up the relationship between lovers

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  • 17-24_f_f_h3_f1
    Experience

    first off, congratulations on your bravery! it must have taken a lot for you to feel comfortable enough to reveal that part of yourself to anyone. but i think before you move forward with this, you should really contemplate if you feel comfortable with your husband being intimate with another woman while you are watching. i know that in these situations it may stir up a lot of jealous emotions you didnt even know you had either during or after. just prepare yourself, make sure you set your boundaries to a comfortable level that works for both of you, and enjoy!!

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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    Omg! My hubby and I have been fantasizingabout this for years! I only just recently let go of my jealousy and limitations, amd now im excited to explore my sexuality.i have never been itimate with a girl before, but being bisexual, i have always been curious and have craved it. I think a threesome is a great way tomake love and explore my sexuality - with my husband who is my soulmate. .

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