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Getting over an ex

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i spent a couple of years with a great person who was my significant other. he was my everything and we were really in love. at least i thought so.

he broke up with me, then moved on very quickly. in weeks he was already dating around & he was posting pictures of himself with his friends. i was suffering but he was very happy & satisfied with his life. this is the same guy i dedicated years of my life to. quit jobs to be with. rejected jobs that required relocations. all to be with him.

we were spending time together every day, every night. the best part of every morning was his face, his smile, his greetings when we would first see each other.

well since he was gone it has been years. we both grew up but only one of us really moved on. well, it wasnt me that moved on.

i still think about him every day. sometimes stalk his photos or his posts. looking through old texts, old photos, old letters. even some of his clothings. now it seems that there are talks of his engagement to a woman. not sure but its what mutual friends have told me.

it rips me apart just thinking about him being with someone else. does anyone else ever get that feeling? that we come across one significant other in life & if we lose them, that's it?

i need to get over this guy but that's easier said than done. even getting back to the dating game does little to help the situation. all i do is compare the people i meet with my ex. no one else comes close.

has anyone else here ever been in a similar situation before?

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  • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
    Advice

    Hey, this happens to the best of us. There isn't a person in the world who wasn't hurt by love. Just think of the people who got divorced after 50+ years of marriage, or failed couples with kids in the picture. And what about those who lost their loved ones due to death or illnesses? They move on and they rebuild their lives even with all the pain and memories that travels with them. If this guy dumped you and seems to be doing fine now, this is your cue to MOVE ON! It's a lot less painful when you're dumped and the person didn't die or just disappeared without a trace.

    You have to focus on the future. Don't dwell on the what ifs. Throw his clothes away. They are of no use to you. Block him on Facebook. Delete his texts. Throw away his photos. Clean up your hard drive. Reboot. Discipline yourself.

    I'm not asking you to stop loving him, but being stuck in the past does you no good. Whatever you had with this guy, and however good that was, it didn't work out. That's a shitty feeling to experience. Guess what? You grew 10 times because of that, and 10 times stronger even if the thought of him still makes your heart beat fast. Eventually he will stop having that effect on you.

    Know that there are others out there. And they are not meant to fill this guy's shoes. Nor anybody else's. Don't compare people. Each person uniquely comes with their own set of traits and characteristics that will eventually grow on you and make you feel luckier, more loved, and genuinely happy. But that's your decision, no one else will force you to make it. You have to get up one day and decide that today is the day that you step forward into a new window of opportunities.

    Reply to Samir82
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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f2
    Experience

    i don't think ex's are meant to be gotten over. it's a learning experience. sometimes those lessons are bitter and sometimes the break up is mutual. you should feel lucky that you have a chance to start over and try again. i once started a business, and failed at it badly. i lost all my money and the money from family investors. it was very embarrassing. my next attempt was much more successful. when my girlfriend of many years and i broke up it felt exactly the same. it was embarrassing, sad, you feel like you put too much energy and time into it to have failed. it was an investment for you... and it didnt work out. i tried again with another person and it worked out much better, we turned out to be more compatible. i know this sounds silly to hear over and over again that you need to get over it but time heals. not if you don't let it though. seconding samir's suggestions on this one.

    Reply to skyflake
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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Advice

    I believe love is unique. What we feel for one person is unique to that person and you. You deserve someone who will make you happy and who will love you. If you're looking for someone to 'replace' him, someone who will love you like he did - well, it's not going to happen. I'm sure there is someone out there who will love you way more than he did. You're never going to find out if you don't let yourself. However, I think for now, you got to work on loving yourself best. Feel good about yourself and be the best version of you that can be. Things will fall into place and it will be alright.

    • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
      Experience

      yes loving ourselves after rejection is tough.. specially if there is no closure on why you got dumped so you keep wondering whats wrong with u everyday.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Advice

      But that's the thing, 6a3miya. You make your own closure because there is going to be none offered from the other side and you have to realize that there is nothing, and I really mean *nothing*, wrong with you. Think about it this way... He didn't last in your life because there had to be room made for someone better. He moved on. You owe it to yourself to do so too and be happy. And what Vicci said: be your own best friend!

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    • @6a3miya I dont know if i am an expert on this matter. but let me tell you my story, my first was my best and we got married or partnership (papers, rings and all) in the end its end and i was on the emotional wreck fro a while, in and out of hospital until one day i hit rock bottom- I commit a suicide. No worries, been treated and suicides is not my answer anymore.

      My ex husband told me that, people come and go and you shant dwell on the past for the past is over. but you can take all those memories as a reminder so you can do better. you dont need to throw away all the memories away because you can reminisce the past with your new one because sometimes its help and make you more closer.

      Your ex is just like the northern star which will guide you to find the better man. Just stand tall and walk true. Never falter and never ever look back.

      Just Helping, Mike
      http://transcend7heavens,.wordpress.com

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    • 17-24_f_f_h2_f2
      Comment

      love is harsh.

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    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Comment

      Apparently my bf....for whome I literally criee for so fucking long..choose cigarettes and alchohol over me.

      Flag
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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    I suppose if a man lived through the ugliest side of love, he might never want to experience it again. This is my case now but sometimes I hope that I can found my soulmate one day because love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up

    Reply to Geobi
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  • 17-24_m_b_h3_f3
    Experience

    for this tragedy end, i'm in loop of one-night stands

    Reply to Antologia
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  • Omg I cant believe this happend, the painful part about reading this is all the sacrifices you made in your life and sadly it had to end...

    This is a reality of live that scares me alot. Please read this quote from the movie "5 to 7", I dont know if you've watched it but its about a love that went against all odds and sadly after a while it had to end, perhaps you would find time ti watch it .

    Take note of the last statement Brian makes ☺

    "Brian: [in his book] Thousands of years ago, somebody came up with the idea of impermanence of the beauty and inevitability of change. I'm pretty sure they had just been dumped.

    Brian: I had a long time to consider the value of memory, and the idea that just because something doesn't last forever doesn't mean its worth is diminished. Maybe it was just a rationalization - easier on the soul than mourning what might have been - the life unlived. I honestly don't know, but I chose to believe in memory. I chose to believe in her. I chose to believe that the bond was never broken and that we carried each other in our hearts. As a secret singularity. She made me a writer. She made me a man.

    Brian: There would be other loves. Even great loves. But she was right, only one remained perfect."

    Reply to Afrabrules
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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Experience

    but if you really think about it... this is like telling a chain smoker "plz stop smoking." even if the person wants to, its an addiction, & takes more than discipline to end... there should be rehab for the heartbroken.

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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Comment

    do you feel this happened because you really tried or do you think you may have just gotten really lucky..? its very unusual after a break up that sometimes immediately pops into ur life and takes over... except for those that are lucky but not all of us are

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  • Ex as in EXample. so time pass and it will change you. love thy self, give more than you have to in the end thou shalt receive the best.

    sometimes, ignorance is bliss, but acceptance and forgiving thyself works a lot.

    take it from me- 5 past relations, 4 suicides attemps but now a living history by living an impact on people life so i can say I was here :-)

    Just Helping, Mike
    http://transcend7heavens,.wordpress.com

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